Doomed

I have become daunted by my own story.

The stakes have risen so much, battlegrounds extended, the plot skyrocketed. And now to be able to fully grasp and pull everything together in the correct sequence and keep things enjoyable for all… I have to spend entirely too much of my time documenting and translating some of my previous notes into something useful and easy to combine into an actual situation and metric.

While I may be able to remember in my head that I had this character betray his faction and run this direction, when it comes time to actually interweave the faction story arc, will I remember who he spoke to and who was in town at that time?

I dislike having to retroactively go back into my story and generate the names of the nobles and etc who would have witnessed events and thus reacted to them but I forgot that originally. So I am trying to plan out each Noble House and all of the people who serve it and where they are and keep up with those people as each week advances plotlines and the RPG game that we are playing in this world also advances things.

However, the task of keeping all of that noted, generated, reasoned, logicked, backgrounded and the like is so daunting. My mind actually shuts down and runs away and then I am left feeling very upset with myself because I know that I should be working on this and keeping things in easy progress or I will lose my place and my head. Knowing that doesn’t seem to be adding to my willingness to sit down and put everything together and push it over to the computer instead of being in 2040592 hand written notes (a possible exaggeration there).

Oh, what to do? What have I done to myself?

Not only do I need to get approximately 357 characters, backgrounds and plotlines together but I also have another 17 organizations within the Kingdom that I have to develop their plots and reasoning and desires and activity. The world can’t just stand still since the protagonists are in a little town instead of interacting with the world.